Guardian Angel!!!!

Its taken me almost two weeks to really process this and I want to share this story ....the evening we came back from the hospital after we got Zac's initial diagnosis I was changing his diaper when he said, "angel". THANK GOD Jeff was standing there because he would have never believed me...or better yet he would have acted like he believed me but thought I was crazy. Okay, so he thinks I am crazy all the time but HE HEARD HIM SAY IT TOO! I immediately broke down in tears and said "Zachy what do you see" and he said, "angel mommy". Thank you all for your prayers...I know Z has a guardian angel watching out for him...I like to think it's Nana:)

Almost Friday...yeah!

I just want everyone to know that Zachary is not in any pain and hasn't vocalized any discomfort to us. That has been and continues to be my one true blessing! Will provide updates after our appointments in July!

Better? I think ???? so!

We met with the Army's pediatric neurologist today. I "feel" better but still no concrete answers. The Doc was really good with Zac and conducted a very "hands on" exam. He doesn't believe the MRI showed tumors but instead agrees with the peds radiologist and explained the image as "ghost images"---CSF that was moving at the time of the scan and captured the movement as what may appear as a mass. I want to believe him but all I hear is the first doc telling me what he and his colleagues had found on the images...tumors. Either way..two positive things today...all neurological tests revealed no obvious symptoms of the degradation of Zac's brain function and or gross motor function. Also we got an appointment at Seattle Children's. Granted, it's not until 7 July (MRI) and Doctor's consult on the 9th of July:( I was preparing myself to have to turn to another medical facility to get the timely answers I NEED but I had a reassuring conversation with the neuro nurse practitioner at Seattle. She read the initial case and is sure a month will not be detrimental to Zac's health. In the meantime, I am positive I will not sleep well until we get the second MRI and the Doctor at Children's meets with us to compare the two images and discuss treatment options. According to the Army peds neuro we met with today he thinks there may be a blockage in Zac's brain causing the pressure in the spinal column (causing the curvature). He said Zac may need a shunt em placed in the brain if this is the case. Obviously I don't know much but even THIS sounds more promising than attempting to eliminate multiple TUMORS from the spinal column. Sooooo much to process, holy cow! So here I am ---TRYING TO BE POSITIVE. I am sure the next 4 weeks will not be easy, waiting for the visit to Seattle for the next MRI. My goal is to enjoy my boy, his boundless energy and enjoy the month of June...only one of two months that is REALLY nice in this state:) For the locals following this--try to remind me of the "enjoying my boy" part when you see me peeling Zachary off shelves in the PX, off the floor as he is throwing a fit because I won't give him any candy in the commissary or off the slide at the park when he doesn't want to take his Terrible Two ass home:) Jeff got great news too...he will stay in his current unit until we get our diagnosis from Seattle and prepare for a treatment plan. That is good so that we don't have to deal with THAT change too! Okay--so before I sign off I want to THANK THANK THANK all of you for the prayers...I am CONVINCED our prayers are working!!!! God is present here with us and the Blessed Mother is watching out for my baby boy! AMEN!!!!!

Loooong Weekend

Alot of things really swimming around my head....how desperate I feel to get a real diagnosis and how ashamed and upset I am to have spent the last 5 months worried (minor anxiety attacks) about my deployment, how Jeff was going to manage the move and take care of my babies while I was gone. I lost sleep and whined and complained (sorry Dawn, Janice, Jolie) incestantly. I feel like God is teaching me a few lessons right now, thats for sure. Either way I am attempting to stay positive--had a mini break down today and got pretty angry with Him. After my mom's death I stayed mad at Him for almost two years...He was waiting for me though:) I know He is going to be right there for us through this, I have to keep my faith! THANK YOU Susan Taylor for stopping by today---although you were speaking for "alot of people" (Rgr wives), I heard the sincerity in YOUR voice. I am going back to work tomorrow. Its going to be hard trying to stay afloat and manage the way I want to and how I am used to. Although I didn't want to leave the kids I am bitter about not being able to deploy and be there for my guys (deployed). Not to mention my "adoptive" boss is deploying and I know he would be very supportive of me here at home. Holy cow, God has something in store for me!!!! I am actually laughing...until tomorrow morning at PT...blah! Signing out for now....Love to all. In Strength, Jenn

Good morning all

Before I start this morning I want to thank my friend Redawn in Germany, my all time favorite CMSgt (and closet Rock Star) Michael, and Kim for refusing to let me be negative this past week...you all had your own unique way of dealing with me...THANK YOU and I love you....and to Jenn for knowing I needed a hug, a couple of them:) Okay so as you know I was leaving for Iraq tomorrow. I moved alot of stuff out of my house and into my friend Sherry Shultz' new place so that I would have a home to live in when I got back from Iraq. Today Jeff and I will be making a few (more) trips to go pick my stuff up. The owners of our home had put our house up for sale and before we got Zac's diagnosis I tore the house apart in prep for Jeff's move and subsequent sale of the house. Thank God Jeff is staying so we are being selfish (despite how much we really like our landlord) and hope that our house doesn't sell. I will spend Z's nap time putting a little bit of the house back together to affect some type of normallcy. Wish us luck in being able to stay here and in finding a new care provider for Zac...another BIG challenge for us having to go back to work next week. Our friend and Zac's current care provider, Jenn Ryan, has already accepted a new position because she knew we were moving:( How CRAZY is this...Jenn is going to work for the same AMAZING doctor (pediatrition) who initially caught the curvature!!!! Life is..."funny"...I have to keep faith that God will continue to send us another wonderful care provider. Any local friends, if you know of anyone please contact me as soon as you can, thanks! Love to all. Happy Saturday. Jenn

Welcome to our...well my (Jenn) Blog...Jeff will catch on soon:)

Ok so most of you know how freaked out I have been over the past week...I wasn't up for chatting. Call me a cry baby...I was crying non stop. I figured this would be a good medium to keep you all informed...despite my inability to type or spell....let me start at the beginning: I took Zac for his 2 year "Well Baby" Check on the third week of April. His pediatrician Dr. Harsha physically felt a difference between the left side and right side of his back..left side feels thicker. She mentioned scoliosis and told me she would refer him to X-Ray and to the Ortho clinic. It took 2 weeks to get him into X-Ray. I pretended to fly around the X-Ray room like a helicopter to get him to stay still for his images...oops TMI:) Fast forward a week and I left for predeploymnet training in NJ. When I got home last week...Jeff had only returned from his deployment days earlier..we took Zac in to see the pediatric orthopedic specialist who told us there were concerns with the X-Ray and he wanted a better image. At that point I was only a week away from deploying and Jeff 4 weeks away from PCSing! We let him know this situation and he made it clear I should delay my deployment. THIS PUT ME ON HIGH ALERT!!!! The doc ordered an MRI. When we called the MRI clinic they offerred us an appointment in late JULY.....needless to say I fell apart. We called the doc back and he had us into MRI in 3 days. Our first weekend spent together as a family in a LONG TIME and it was very difficult. On to the MRI...as I left Zac with the anesthesiologists :( they told me it would be "about an hour"...2 hours later I was a mess...they did what they needed to do by telling us everything was alright but I KNEW at that point it wasn't. Zac fought like a tiger coming off of the gas but recovered well. He was asleep in my arms when we waled up to the ortho clinic to ask the doc how long it would take to get answers on the images. The doc walked by us in the waiting area and invited us back to his office where he accessed the images. With his two residents present, he explained to us what the dark spots on the spinal cord were.."masses". I broke down after counting 5 "masses". The doc was so "typical", poker faced. His young resident was very quick to point out that not all masses are cancerous. I so appreciated his compassion and information at t hat moment. Jeff was so good...he stayed focused and asked all the questions we needed to know to prep ourselves for the future. Ultimately we got a referral to Seattle Children's Hospital. Fast forward 3 days...lots of phone calls to our hospital and Seattle Children's, lots of paperwork to fill out and several trips back to our hospital to get copies of all the images and radiologists notes. Yesterday we got a phone call from the ortho doc who told me that although his two colleagues (tumor specialists) confirmed the spots on the image are tumors, he also consulted with a pediatric neurologist who disagrees...he things it's pulsating or circulating spinal fluid and that is what is causing pressure on Zac's spine and in turn causing the curvature (scoliosis). Not knowing what this REALLY means, I want to assume this theory is better....doesn't it just SOUND better? I JUST WANT TO GET TO CHILDREN's so an EXPERT can confirm what is wrong with my baby! This is where our journey is at...the official request from our hospital through our insurance company to Children's has been sent. HOPEFULLY I will get confirmation by Monday that they received our case. Unfortunately it will take 3 days to process...for the neuro nurse to review the case and consult the doctors....then determine the urgency of our case. Right now Zac is the PICTURE of good health...my man is wild (THANK GOD). So far he has no impairment of any gross motor skills nor slurred speech..he says "NO" and "Spider Man movie now Mom" as articulate as the Queen of England...with an American boy attitude of course:) So THIS is a blessing and also is an indication of the urgency Children's will place on our case...the intake staff told me there are other children who are experiencing severe symptoms and pain...SO SAD! Either way I just want Zac to be seen SOON so he doesn't get to that point! SO...between now and the time Children's schedules us to be seen, the Army neuro ped's doc is going to conduct tests on Zac and he also is ordering another MRI (Grrrrrrr...frustrating, more anesthesia and radiation) BUT its to identify any potential masses in the brain. PLEASE SAY A PRAYER FOR US....please say a prayer for us! As soon as I get our appointment to Children's I'll post it and any further info from the neurologist will be posted too. Before I log out of my first entry I want to THANK all those who have called to check on me, make a meal or express concern. This is the beginning of a long journey...I will NEED your help in the near future for sure. Love, Jenn & crew